After years of working on my self-worth and learning to embrace my inner strength, why do I still struggle with going out to social functions on my own? I am worthy in and of myself, right? I am a strong, independent woman, right? Then, why did I agonize about going to a staff function for weeks? Why did I have to push myself to go? It has nothing to do with the people I work with. They are warm, wonderful people. The sticking point for me was that everyone would be bringing their partners, and I would go alone.
I enjoy the freedom of being my own person and being able to make my own decisions, but I shrink in the face of couples-dominated situations. Why does all my inner growth and self-confidence shrivel and disappear? Why do tears sneak up and take me by surprise when I try to talk about this with friends?
I know that I am not defined by any other person. And yet, I feel a deep sense of failure because I couldn’t make my last relationship work, and before that, I couldn’t make my marriage work. I feel inadequate at some basic level when surrounded by a group of apparently successful and thriving couples. Why can’t I carry all my inner growth and healing into these social situations? Why can’t I celebrate my personal growth as my own person within a social context?
And the answer came to me… or rather, it came through me… via that still, small voice within me that is always there to guide me with love and wisdom… when I pay attention. I had created the whole experience. Other people weren’t judging me. I was judging me and projecting that filter of judgement onto the world. I experienced exactly what I expected to experience — I expected to feel judged because of my own deep-seated feelings of not having measured up in some way — and so I did. Once again, I had created pain for myself.
I am reminded of the power I hold, and have held, as a creator in my life. I can choose to see myself as “less than” or “as not measuring up” in some way. If I do, I will project those self-perceptions onto the world, and that is what I will experience. I will create situations in which I feel less than or in which I perceive that I don’t measure up. I will experience exactly what I expect to experience. Or, I can choose to see myself as I truly am… as more than enough… without a need to measure up to anything. I am as God created me… perfect and whole… created as an extension of His Love. As I allow myself to step aside from the needless pain that I create in my life and rest in that deep sense of knowing within me, I am filled with peace and love. I feel God’s unconditional and eternal Love soothing me and reminding me that I am loved completely and always… and so are you.
We all are God’s creations… you, me, every single person. As God’s creations, we have inherent worth. We are inherently beautiful and perfect. We have to choose to remember that and to recognize it in each other. When we feel that we are not enough or that we don’t measure up, we have forgotten our true identity. We have allowed the constant action and reaction of the world we live in to mask who we truly are as spiritual beings. When we remember who we are as God’s Sons and Daughters, we know that we are enough. In fact, we are more than enough.