How many of us have given ourselves away hoping to find love? We give our true selves away in different ways. Sometimes we pretend to be interested in what we believe is important to another person to try to initiate an interaction that will lead to connection and, hopefully, love. Many times, we pretend to be someone we’re not to attract the attention and heart of another. We sublimate our authentic selves believing that an artificial version will be more attractive. We even give our bodies to another, hoping that love will be returned to us.
I look back on the ways in which I gave myself away for love, not with judgment, but with compassion for that lost, insecure person. What I did was fueled by a deep desire to be loved. I believed that if someone loved me, I would be someone. I would be worthy. I believed that the experience I yearned for so much was to be found in another. If I could be vivacious enough, daring enough, giving enough, interesting enough, adventurous enough, athletic enough, outgoing enough, fun enough, sexy enough… maybe, just maybe, someone would love me, and I would feel complete.
I didn’t realize that I was searching for love in the wrong places and in all the wrong ways. I was mistaken about where and how to experience love. I didn’t realize my own worth nor did I know that I had to love myself first… and in the moment, I certainly wasn’t aware that I was giving myself away and selling myself short. How could I expect to attract real love when I wasn’t being real? How could I hope to experience true love when I didn’t love myself enough to be true to me?
If I could talk to that younger version of me, I would sit her down and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. This is what I would tell her: You are beautiful just as you are. You don’t need to look or be a certain way to be attractive. True beauty isn’t found in outer appearances. It is the radiant light that shines from within you and that is all your own. All you have to do is be exactly who you are and let your own light shine. Just as there are innumerable expressions of beauty in the natural world, you will create your own expression of beauty… one that is all yours.
You believe that you will find worth in the eyes of another. My dear, you have worth beyond measure because you are. You are a child of God, and as His creation, you have inherent worth as an expression of His boundless Love. Your worth is not found in anyone else. It is within you. You are completely, absolutely worthy to God.
You have searched for the experience of love in the arms of another. In your search for love, you have pretended to be who you are not. You have sublimated who you are and what is important to you to be what you think another wants or desires. My dear, you don’t have to do or be anything to be loved. God loves you unconditionally and always. You don’t have to look anywhere to experience this love. God’s Love is within you, and it is with you always.
To God, you are beautiful, worthy, and loved always and in all ways. You don’t have to be anyone other than you. You are God’s own creation and what God creates is perfect. You don’t have to look outside of yourself for love. All that you seek is given you in glorious abundance. Get still and go within to your quiet, inner centre. Open to the stillness you find there, and you will experience boundless love that envelopes and holds you close. Beautiful, worthy, beloved Child, this is God’s Love for you. Bask in it; revel in it; experience how its radiance and warmth fills you. And know that in God’s sight, you never ever have to be anyone other than who you are, for you are His beloved Child.
This is what I would tell my younger self, and this is what I would like to tell you.