In my last post, I shared with you the first of two “A-Ha” moments I experienced during the past week. In this post, I want to share with you the second one, for which my gratitude goes to Michael A. Singer, author of the untethered soul — the journey beyond yourself. His writing led me to a profound realization that has freed me from worrying about the emotional pain and anger that continues to arise within me from time to time. Because it continues to be triggered by people and events in my life, I have worried about the extent of my healing and my ability to forgive. I have stressed about my seeming inability to move forward on my spiritual journey.
Through Michael’s words of wisdom, I have realized that this pain and anger arises, but it also fades. It comes and it goes, but it isn’t who I am. I am the awareness that witnesses its rise and fall. I am not defined by this emotional pain or the memories that it evokes as clearly and vividly as if they were happening in the moment. They are part of my story, and as the ever-present awareness that I am, I get to witness my story as it unfolds, folds back on itself, and then continues to unfold again. As I witness the rise and fall of the pain of past hurts, I also get to witness the rise and fall of past joy and love. I get to witness the complete spectrum of emotions that I have been blessed to experience in this physical reality. Not only do I get to witness the replay of all my memories, I get to witness all that happens in my present. It is all part of my story, and what I have experienced, and get to experience, during this journey. I am the ever-present witnessing awareness, and my life plays on the screen of my awareness like a movie plays on a screen.
As I witness the residual pain and anger that arises and allow it to fall and fade away, it releases its hold on me. If I dive into it and become immersed in it, it gains power over my attention and over me. I am no longer aware of who I am. I become my pain and anger. I get lost in reliving memories of the past, and I forget that the past no longer exists. When I realize what I have done, I can return to who I really am — the awareness of me as a spiritual being. It is always there, always present, always witnessing. It is my ego that gets caught in shreds of the past and loses itself in hurt, accusations, blame, and fear. It is my ego that gets caught in the seeming reality of my flashbacks.
But my story is not who I am. It has never been who I am, nor will it ever be. I am the spiritual awareness that witnesses all the drama that arises and unfolds within my consciousness. I can attest to how real the drama seems, but I have realized that I can just allow it to rise and fall. I can feel its intensity build and then dissipate. It happens again and again as I observe. The drama isn’t me. I am the witness of its rise and fall.
Try it for yourself. As we well know, our minds are seldom quiet. Snippets of thoughts, memories, conversations, events, impressions, and problems come and go in our minds all the time. Practise just being aware of the coming and going, the rise and fall. Notice that you are not any of these thoughts. You are the spiritual presence that is aware of them. All week, I have been amazed by my ability to observe and not to get embroiled in everything that crosses my “screen.” I get to watch my own movie unfold and realize that I can allow it to affect me as much or as little as I wish. It will not change or define who I am, who I always have been, and who I will continue to be… ever-present witnessing awareness.
I have spent years studying the writing of many spiritual teachers, but no one has been able to ignite such deep understanding within me like Michael A. Singer. I’m sure you have seen the words, “As the student is ready, the teacher will come.” I think I was ready for the words of Michael A. Singer. They are seeds for the fertile ground of my growing awareness, and I feel so blessed to finally embrace my awareness of the awareness that I am. That may be confusing on first read, but I am finally fully aware that I am the awareness that witnesses the emotional drama of my story. I knew the words before, but I hadn’t internalized them and made them my own. I was ready to truly “get” it!
I pray that my “A-Ha” moments become seeds for your growth and awareness. As always, I invite you to share your realizations and lessons. I truly would love to hear from you!
I send you love and blessings for your journey. Namaste.