As I have studied A Course in Miracles, I have questioned why I would want to separate from God in the first place. Why would I want to go my own way when my journey has become one of returning home to God?
As I have learned to do when I seek answers, I turned to my journal and asked the Holy Spirit. The answer came immediately: You wanted to be special. You wanted to be “more” to God than anyone else. You wanted God to love you in a special way, to answer your prayers and to give you everything you thought your heart desired. Your desire to be “special” was the voice of ego. That is not how God loves. God loves all of His Creations equally and unconditionally.” I was floored by this response and the realization that came with it! My desire to be “special” had certainly gotten me special — painful experience after painful experience!
The image of a kind and loving parent watching a headstrong toddler who is determined to do something on his/her own came to mind. We have all watched in loving tolerance and knowing as our children have been determined that they knew better — and we allowed them their free will — always ready to catch them when they fell and to love them no matter what. I realized that I have been that headstrong child determined to do things my way. And oh, what a mess I made when I thought I could do life myself!
Just as I watched and waited to catch my children when they fell or realized that they needed help, God has waited for me to ask for help. And when I did, it was here for me, immediately and without question. I feel such happiness and contentment to be “home,” knowing that I am loved unconditionally and completely, but never in the “special” way that my ego wanted. Do you know what that means? I wanted to be more special than all of you in God’s eyes — my spiritual brothers and sisters! What a profound, “wow” moment for me!
I release that false sense of superiority and false sense of self to Holy Spirit so that He can guide me back to my true Self… in Divine unity with God and with all of you. In the words of Panache Desai, “We are one consciousness expressing itself in 7.2 billion ways.” I join with you in Divine Love as the Oneness that we are. Namaste.