It seems that this holiday season is ripe with realizations for me, and it is my prayer that in sharing what I am learning that you will find some clarity and healing too. As the time approaches for celebrating Christmas with family and loved ones, instead of brimming over with anticipation, different emotions seem to be rising within me. Tears flowed again and again as I decorated the tree and as I prepared homemade favourites for my children. Feelings of loneliness and isolation rose within me as I began my two-week break from teaching. Dread and resistance rise within me as I think of time with my parents and siblings. What is there for me to realize and learn from these emotions?
It is interesting that even as these emotions arise within me as pointers to releasing and healing that needs to be done, I am judging them and telling myself that I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Instead, I should be excited about preparations for Christmas and time to spend with family over the festive season. Note the words “I should…” and “I shouldn’t…” Who is saying how I should feel? Who is imposing these shoulds and shouldn’ts? It is me — my ego — always judging and finding ways in which I don’t measure up. The pain that I create for myself through my own self-judgment is the message I received from Holy Spirit when I asked for guidance about the emotions I was experiencing. I want to share with you what came through in my writing:
Your emotions are all just remnants of the story you have told yourself about your life. Let them rise and observe them. See who you are as the observer. You are not any of these emotions or the stories that have created them. All of your stories are projections of your ego made to reflect all your fears and judgments, and your greatest fear/judgment has been against yourself. Everything you have created and experienced in your life has reflected your belief that you are not good enough. Even your beliefs about the holidays reflect this judgment. You are not your judgments or the stories you created to reflect them. Release them and see that you remain as the one who observes, as the spiritual awareness behind the stories of not measuring up in the eyes of others. You are God’s own Child. How could you be anything but perfect?
Knowing this, you still listen to the fears and judgments of your ego. You have even created feelings of judgment and subsequent distance from your parents and your siblings. You have created all of their “disapprovals” and “disappointments” in you as a reflection of your own self-judgment. When you feel dread and resistance to spending time with family, it is because of your perceptions and how you created them in your egoic mind. None of what you created is true. Your parents and siblings are only parts or roles being played in this drama that you have created and are directing. In truth, they are your spiritual brothers and sisters, God’s perfect Children. When you choose to see Christ in each one, you will recognize the beauty and truth of who they really are as Divine expressions of God. When you choose to look behind the critical masks you have had them wear, you will receive the unconditional love they have for you. The choice is yours: to truly see or to judge.
Let this be your realization — each person whom you have perceived to have judged you, betrayed you, hurt you — is your creation. Because you have created it all to reflect your limited self beliefs, you have the power to let it all go. Release the roles that you created and behold the beautiful souls who have shared your life and loved you through it all. Release your judgments of them and of yourself and know that you are loved always and unconditionally. Embrace the love that you are and let go of all the stories. The truth is to be found beneath your stories, where it has been all along. Open into the exquisite light that is you, and let your light shine. That is the message of Christmas for you and for everyone. The light of your soul is the same light that is within everyone. That light is God’s Love, pure, true, and eternal. Choose to see the Light of God in everyone.
Dear spiritual brothers and sisters, I recognize the truth of the message that I received about the painful emotions I have been experiencing. I also sense that I cannot reason my way through the release of these stories. Rather, I need help from beyond my egoic mind that created them all in the first place; I realize that the solution cannot be found in their source. And so I release my stories to Holy Spirit and ask that my perceptions be corrected and that I may keep removing the veils that prevent true vision and acceptance of Christ within us all. I pray that my realizations will resonate with the truth that exists within you and that you will recognize a meaningful message within my words. Namaste, my dears :))