In spite of the spiritual growth and deepening awareness I share with you week after week, it was interesting to observe how quickly I fell into the clutches of fear when I received unexpected news last night. In previous posts, I have shared with you my experiences with swollen joints and the message to forgive and release past emotional pain that I believed my body was telling me. Swollen, painful joints have continued to challenge me, and I have kept working on forgiveness, innately knowing that suppressed pain and anger were causing the inflammation in my joints.
Yesterday, I received a call from my doctor to see her after school regarding test results. Within the space of four words, my day turned upside-down, and the light-hearted, open me began to constrict and tighten inside. “You had rheumatoid arthritis.” The laughter and easy conversation stopped, as images of worst-case scenarios flooded my mind. I was able to listen to, and mostly hear, my doctor’s words and treatment plan, but inside, fear had its icy grip on my heart.
I left her office stunned. A short while later as I listened to the pharmacist explain the side-effects of the prednisone I was to start taking, fear tightened its grip and I fought the tears that threatened to spill. When I got home, fear took over and the tears flowed. Back came all the fears of aging alone, in pain, and unable to move freely or to care for myself. I just let the tears flow; I let the fear express itself, and as I did, I noticed that something interesting began to happen.
I began to realize that I was observing the fear in me. Yes, it was still expressing itself, but instead of getting swept away by it, I was watching it. As I watched, I could feel the strength, peace, and knowing of my soul. Immediately, I realized that the fear came from my ego — my limited view of myself that feels small, alone, and frightened. As I felt the wise presence of my soul, I remembered that I am the consciousness that is aware of this small, frightened part of me.
In that moment, I knew that I had to write to provide an avenue for the wisdom of my soul and the universal consciousness of the Divine to flow through. What came through was exactly what I needed to be reminded of in that moment:
You are not your body. You are free — free of any pain or fear you may believe you are experiencing. In truth, you are untouchable, incapable of hurting or being hurt. This is part of the dream you are experiencing — the illusion of life.
I asked how to deal with the fear that felt so real:
Know what is truth. Your ego wants to run wildly with this. Centre yourself in your soul where all is well and you know all is well. Find your peace and solace there. Know that God is with you and that you are whole, healed, and completely supported.
That is exactly what I did. I went within to my soul, and I prayed. I felt the loving grace of God surround and fill me, and in that moment, I felt my connection to God and I knew my wholeness.
As I open into this new opportunity to learn and expand into awareness and truth, I will keep you posted on my realizations. I have no doubt that this new challenge will stretch and open me in more profound ways. Namaste, my dears :))