Those of you who have followed my blog for a while know that I have struggled to practise forgiveness in my life. At first, it was a way for me to release emotional baggage that was weighing me down and keeping me stuck in negativity and blame. Then, as I opened into awareness of my spiritual identity, it became vitally important to me to truly forgive those whom I believed had hurt me and to be able to love them unconditionally. I wanted to be able to think of them and feel only love – no blame, no judgment, no hurt – only love. Each time, I thought that I had forgiven, events occurred to show me that even though my intent was to forgive, I hadn’t reached a state of true forgiveness.
As I struggled to attain this state of forgiveness, I believed that I just needed to do more inner work. (Note my belief that it required work and that I had to do more.) I visualized the people whom I believed had wronged me and practised enveloping them in love. I practised saying that I forgave each person out loud. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t reach that elusive state. Finally, I cried out to Holy Spirit that I couldn’t do it on my own and that I needed help. I prayed for Holy Spirit to help me to forgive. I got out of my head and my belief that I had to do it all on my own, and I asked Holy Spirit for help. I gave it all to Holy Spirit, and I gave up my personal investment in achieving this state. As I did, a miraculous inner transformation occurred.
Recently I spent time with someone whom I believed had hurt me more than anyone else – my former partner. Whenever we tried to spend time together previously, the past hurts always shadowed our present interaction. I professed that I had forgiven him, but I hadn’t really because I hadn’t released the past. I hadn’t let past events and perceived hurts go so that our time together in the present could be free of that heavy weight. Even though I spoke the words, “I forgive you,” I still held blame and judgment just under the surface, ready to pull forward to prove that what had happened in the past would happen again. I kept recreating the same cycle of blame, judgment, and professed forgiveness again and again.
The time that we spent together this time was different, and it was different because I was coming from a different inner space. Past actions and perceived hurts didn’t clamour at me. Where they had rested, ready to make their presence known, was only unconditional love, and I knew that I had had nothing to do with this inner transformation and release. It had happened because I asked Holy Spirit for help. Even though I had cried out to Holy Spirit in frustration as a last resort, my prayer was answered. Where mistrust had been was a deep knowing that I could trust. Where judgment had been was acceptance and understanding. Where conditional love had been was unconditional love.
I have tried so hard to forgive on my own, and in the moment that I asked Holy Spirit for help, it was given. How does true forgiveness feel? Beautiful. Light. The shadows of the past no longer darken the present. All that is here is unconditional love, acceptance, and appreciation. This is one more witness to the power of Holy Spirit to release my misperceptions and to help me see what is truth.
Dear spiritual sisters and brothers, I pray that my realizations support you in your growth and inner opening to what is truth. I hope that you experience inner resonance as I share my learning to release my inner struggles by giving them up to Holy Spirit. I am learning to get out of my head and my need to control and figure out things by myself. As I do, miracles are happening in my life, and I know they are not due to my hard work or efforts. They are entirely the work of Holy Spirit as I ask for help and guidance. Namaste, my dears. 🙂