It seems that change is inevitable in our lives. In fact, if you are like me, when life settles and becomes known, you yearn for change and the growth that comes with it. If you are like me in another way, when you are in the midst of change and everything is in a state of flux, you yearn for the security of what was known. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t be content with routine, with what is known. But there is something within me that calls for change and yearns for the expansion that accompanies it.
Sometimes I question whether my inner drive has to do with being happy with myself, with knowing I am worthy without having to do more or having to accomplish anything. Even as I ask, I know that it is more than that. I am responding to an inner call to stretch, to become ever more of whom I came to be. When my life becomes safe and predictable, I stagnate. It isn’t long before I feel unsettled and I begin to seek more inner stretching.
I haven’t written a lot lately because I responded to my inner yearning and accepted a job that challenges me to step out of my comfort zone and to open into a whole new learning curve. This position also has necessitated a move, which has challenged me in other ways. I wanted change; I yearned for growth. I got exactly what I wanted.
As I experience this time of transition and find myself wishing for some future time when I will feel comfortable and knowledgeable, I also realize that this period of upheaval is an incredible opportunity to open and deepen into my spiritual knowing and practice. I have spent years developing my spiritual understanding, and now I am called to put into practice all that I have learned. It is time to truly walk my walk. As I have shared in previous posts, I have been flooded by fear and the pain of old traumas. I can attest to the power of constantly bringing myself back to being the observer, the awareness. I know that I am the consciousness in which all these feelings and thoughts arise. I am not the fears and the hurts. I am much more than that.
I am also being called to practise a state of allowing. I sense that I don’t have to “make” anything happen. In fact, everything about my move fell into place in spite of me. When I made the decision to accept this position, the enormity of that choice ignited such a strong fear response in me that I felt frozen—like a deer in the headlights. Even as I struggled to practise awareness in the face of almost constant inner constriction, I noted how I was being guided to do what I needed to do to prepare for the move. Everywhere I turned, there were helpful, supportive people to guide me and to assure me that I was doing the right thing.
Even now that my move is complete and I prepare to begin my new position, I am aware of an inner message to just be, to rest in the knowing that all is well and that all will unfold for my highest good. Fears still rise from time to time to clutch at my heart, but I know they have no power or hold over me anymore. They are real only if I give them power. When I choose to observe their negative and painful energy and not invest in it, the fear releases and I remain—the awareness in which it arose.
This move and major life change also calls me to open into the spiritual magnificence that is all of us. We are all expressions of Universal consciousness, of the Divine, of God. I have limited myself and made myself small my whole life. What does that say about who I perceived myself to be? This experience of change and transition is challenging me to release the fears and beliefs that have limited me and to open into my inner knowing and guidance. At times, I have felt almost paralyzed by the fears that gripped me, but always, there was a knowing within me that my work was to allow the fears to rise and release. All I have to do was be the awareness in which they surface, and when their energy dissipates, I know that I am still that awareness. I have always been that awareness…even when I wasn’t aware of it.
Now is about trusting the knowing within me. It is about having faith that I am always guided and supported, and that as I allow my spirit, my Higher Self, to become the navigator of my life, I can only do what I yearned to do — and that is to open, deepen, stretch, and grow. I have written a lot about the spiritual realizations I have made because of the experiences in my life. It is very clear to me that this change is calling me to release my incessant need to know the answers and to trust in the process and the forward movement.
Change has always brought learning to my life. In the past, the learning has been apparent with hindsight. Now, I am aware of the learning and expansion within change as it is happening and I trust that it is for my highest good. It is why I came to this physical existence, and it is why my soul calls me.
Dear spiritual sisters and brothers, I pray that sharing my journey and realizations can help you in some way and that you will feel called to share what you are learning and realizing on your journey. I send you great love. Namaste. :))