When we are faced with change in our lives, it seems that many of us resist and cling to what is known… even if that no longer serves us. We are filled with fear because change requires that we let go of the edge that we are so familiar with and dive into unknown waters. Letting go and entering these waters requires trust. It requires trust in every moment, every single day… and I am living that call to trust.
I haven’t written for a while because I am in transition in all aspects of my life, and those changes are challenging me to live what I have come to understand and know. I wanted change; I wanted to stretch and grow, and I got exactly what I wanted. With that long-yearned-for change, I also opened up a seemingly bottomless well of fears and insecurities within me. Every day, I feel anxiety rising within me, constricting my throat, pounding my heart, tightening screws into my head, and hijacking my thoughts. Every day, I face that anxiety and move into and through the fear that wants to limit me and make me shrink in fear. I am not that fear nor am I the anxiety that wants to overrun my life. I am the awareness that watches it rise, attempt to grip me in its limiting claws, and finding nothing to make it hold, release and fall away. Over the past weeks and months, I have learned to take the seat of the observer instead of allowing myself to get sucked into anxiety’s seductive and limiting whirlpool.
But I am called to do more than observe my fears; I am called to trust that I am being guided toward my highest good. I can’t see forward. I have no idea where these changes are propelling me, and yet, when I get quiet and go within to my higher Self — to God within — I am filled with quiet knowing that all is well and that I just need to get out of my own way and allow. In that inner space, I know the truth in the words of Lesson 358 of A Course in Miracles: “Let me not forget my self is nothing, but my Self is all.”
Every morning and as often as I need throughout the day, I give my life to Holy Spirit and ask that my thoughts, words, and deeds be guided. Relinquishing my life to God’s wise and knowing Teacher lets me settle into the moment and to allow all that I need to know and do to come through me… and it does. It really does. When I am feeling anxious, I tighten and the constriction in my head prevents clear processing and sets up a roadblock to any creative flow. When I ask for guidance and open into it with trust, it is there showing me the way.
This period of transition is calling me to live all that I believe. It is challenging me to walk my talk, and as I do, my path unfolds steadily before me. As I get out of my own way and trust in the guidance that propelled me here and that continues to light my way, I open into a peace and knowing that truly passes all understanding. I know that it isn’t me; I know that left up to me, I will get in my own way and continue my tale of limitation and self-sabotage. I know that left up to me, I will be immobilized by fear and anxiety. I also know that in the moment that I ask Holy Spirit for guidance, it is provided and I open into the depth and expanse of my higher Self. I settle into awareness and being, and all that I am asked to do flows through me.
Trust — a simple word that holds such power and meaning. May you find solace and strength in trusting your inner guidance. It truly is there in the moment you ask.