Learning to Honour the Process of Healing
When old pain surfaces and its raw ache tears at your heart as if you were immersed in it all over again, do you wonder if you will ever be free of it? Do you question whether you will ever be completely healed? Do you struggle with forgiving those who caused this pain? Do you judge yourself for not being able to release these grievances to the past where they belong?
To All Women and Children
This post is dedicated to Latasha, Landen, Jenika, and Janayah Gosling, and to all women and children who need support, safety, and healing. The news of a murder-suicide in my small community of Tisdale, Saskatchewan, sent shock waves through us all. The incomprehensible had happened in our peaceful, little community. A young mother and her three beautiful, innocent children had been murdered by the man with whom she had been in a relationship. Then he had travelled to Prince Albert, a small city about 130 kilometres from Tisdale, with the six-month-old baby that he and the mother had shared, where he took his own life. The baby was found alive beside his body. How could this have happened? I think back to the morning that I learned what had happened. It had seemed like any other morning. The sun was shining brightly, just as it had every morning for the […]
“A-HA” Moment Two — Gaining Insight into Awareness
In my last post, I shared with you the first of two “A-Ha” moments I experienced during the past week. In this post, I want to share with you the second one, for which my gratitude goes to Michael A. Singer, author of the untethered soul — the journey beyond yourself. His writing led me to a profound realization that has freed me from worrying about the emotional pain and anger that continues to arise within me from time to time. Because it continues to be triggered by people and events in my life, I have worried about the extent of my healing and my ability to forgive. I have stressed about my seeming inability to move forward on my spiritual journey. Through Michael’s words of wisdom, I have realized that this pain and anger arises, but it also fades. It comes and it goes, but it isn’t who I […]
Delving Deeper into Forgiveness
Soaring high on a radiant crest of inner joy and well-being, Feeling exhilarating freedom as I open into my true identity… … as a Child of God… … a perfect expression of His creative power and Love… … and connected through Spirit to all of Creation… Wanting this ride to continue forever, this wondrous height to carry me always, but I am dashed onto the unyielding rocks of my past, and left splayed and raw and oozing… … pain I thought I had healed, … tears I thought I had shed, … anger I tried to ignore, … and judgement I tried to hide. What message can I find in this pain? What lesson is there in this experience for me to learn? I thought I had forgiven my ex-husband and his wife for the pain […]
Forgiveness Is More Than a One-Shot Deal
How many times do we need to forgive before there are no more layers of hurt and betrayal to peel back? I can’t give you a definitive answer. It seems trite to say as many times as you need to forgive, but it is true. I have been working on forgiving those with whom I have experienced the greatest hurts for years now, and I’m still not there. I still haven’t reached a place where there is nothing left to forgive… where I can say with complete truth that I hold nothing but love in my heart for them. If I told you that all I ever feel is love when I think of these people, I would be lying to you and to myself. I can tell you that there are times when I genuinely feel compassion, understanding, and love for them, but then when I least expect it… more […]
Doing Things the Hard Way (plus podcast)
My students frequently laugh and joke with me, “Ms. B, you always do things the hard way!” I have to agree with them because if there is a hard way to do something, I will find it. Often, they will ask me if I have thought of doing something another way… an easier way… and I always have to laugh and admit that I hadn’t… until they suggested it. Then, of course, that easier way seems obvious, and I wonder why I didn’t think of it before. This classroom anecdote connects directly to my life, which has been characterized by actions and choices that have frequently taken me on more difficult pathways. The result has been a lot of bumps and bruises, frustrations and heartbreaks, and setbacks and failures. However, the hidden treasure beneath all that emotional pain has been my inner growth. Because of my seeming predisposition to do things the hard way, I have gained […]
Sweeping Away the Debris of the Past (including Podcast)
Have you noticed that just when you think you are making solid forward progress in terms of your personal growth and well-being that you seem to falter, spin your wheels, and even move backward for a time? Just when it seems that you have internalized the positive self-talk and you are stepping into your inner strength and power, the old tapes start playing the familiar refrain of self-doubt and you feel yourself losing your positive momentum. Uncertainty arises, old fears resurface, and you question the progress you thought you were making. I have been considering this over the past few days as I have experienced yet another “spinning of my wheels.” When we experience the same old doubts and fears that we have struggled with for years, I suggest that it is quite normal to question whether real growth has taken place. From a close vantage point, it might seem […]
Letting Go and Flying Free (podcast)
Forgiveness is the key to your healing and freedom from the hurts of the past. I invite you to listen as I share my blog post, Letting Go and Flying Free. My prayer is that you will find healing through forgiveness as I did.
You Are More Than Enough
After years of working on my self-worth and learning to embrace my inner strength, why do I still struggle with going out to social functions on my own? I am worthy in and of myself, right? I am a strong, independent woman, right? Then, why did I agonize about going to a staff function for weeks? Why did I have to push myself to go? It has nothing to do with the people I work with. They are warm, wonderful people. The sticking point for me was that everyone would be bringing their partners, and I would go alone. I enjoy the freedom of being my own person and being able to make my own decisions, but I shrink in the face of couples-dominated situations. Why does all my inner growth and self-confidence shrivel and disappear? Why do tears sneak up and take me by surprise when I try to talk about this […]
Was Help Actually Wanted?
I have been a helper and a fixer all my life. Whenever I saw someone who was hurting or who needed help in any way, I was quick to be there in whatever way I could. I offered help, advice, my shoulder, my time… whatever I could think of to lift another up and to provide the help that was so obviously needed… in my eyes. I never stopped to consider whether the person actually wanted help or fixing. That never occurred to me. In my mind, the person needed help, and I could provide it… or at the very least, show that I cared. That had to help, right? Wrong. I assumed that I knew what another needed and that I would come to the rescue. I was there to fill that need, to whatever extent I could. I recognize that my heart was in the right place, but my […]