What Is That Inner Yearning for More?
Do you sometimes struggle with being in the world? Do you feel like you’re not of this world, that it seems to confront you at every turn, and yet you have to find a way to exist in it? Do you yearn for more, but you can’t seem to find what you seek in the world? I often feel like I’m a stranger here — that I don’t belong — and yet, I’m here. I have to find a way to be in this world, this world that feels too harsh, that often grates against the me that feels so sensitive, so tender, so not of this world.
Fear Only Has the Power That We Give It
It seems that I have allowed fear and all of its manifestations — self-doubt, insecurity, self-blame, guilt, self-criticism and judgment — to have far too much power in my life. You see, I believed that fear was something beyond my control; that I was at the mercy of frightening events that could happen to me. I didn’t realize that I was the only one giving fear its power over me. In fact, fear has no power over us, unless we give it.
Doing Things the Hard Way (plus podcast)
My students frequently laugh and joke with me, “Ms. B, you always do things the hard way!” I have to agree with them because if there is a hard way to do something, I will find it. Often, they will ask me if I have thought of doing something another way… an easier way… and I always have to laugh and admit that I hadn’t… until they suggested it. Then, of course, that easier way seems obvious, and I wonder why I didn’t think of it before. This classroom anecdote connects directly to my life, which has been characterized by actions and choices that have frequently taken me on more difficult pathways. The result has been a lot of bumps and bruises, frustrations and heartbreaks, and setbacks and failures. However, the hidden treasure beneath all that emotional pain has been my inner growth. Because of my seeming predisposition to do things the hard way, I have gained […]
Masquerade of Life (includes podcast)
Halloween isn’t the only day that many people wear masks and costumes. How many of us wear masks every day and pretend to be someone we aren’t in order to feel like we belong? How many of us are truly our authentic selves? I invite you to reflect on these questions: Have you added your own version of gossip about someone because everyone else was telling the latest and greatest news about other people and you wanted to feel included? Have you laughed at a joke that belittled a group of people or a gender because everyone else was laughing or because the joke-teller thought it was hilarious? Have you pretended that someone’s words didn’t hit hard and hurt deeply in order to play it cool? Have you pretended to be what you imagined someone else wanted so that they would like you and want to be your friend or partner? Have you subjected yourself […]
Layers of Self-Judgement Exposed
The process of self-awareness — uncovering and correcting the limiting beliefs and self-judgements that trip us up — has been compared to “peeling an onion.” We uncover scars and false perceptions layer by layer, and as we pull back each layer, we discover yet another layer to be examined, understood, healed, and peeled back. Sometimes I wonder how I created so many layers of self-judgement and whether I will ever arrive at my “inner onion,” divested of all the layers that hold me back. Last weekend was a holiday weekend in Canada — Thanksgiving — a time for families to gather together and to appreciate one another and all the blessings in their lives. When I lived the classic portrayal of the happy, loving family, I anticipated family holidays with relish and spent a great deal of time planning and preparing for them. It was a time to bask in the image of […]
You Are More Than Enough
After years of working on my self-worth and learning to embrace my inner strength, why do I still struggle with going out to social functions on my own? I am worthy in and of myself, right? I am a strong, independent woman, right? Then, why did I agonize about going to a staff function for weeks? Why did I have to push myself to go? It has nothing to do with the people I work with. They are warm, wonderful people. The sticking point for me was that everyone would be bringing their partners, and I would go alone. I enjoy the freedom of being my own person and being able to make my own decisions, but I shrink in the face of couples-dominated situations. Why does all my inner growth and self-confidence shrivel and disappear? Why do tears sneak up and take me by surprise when I try to talk about this […]
In Recognition and Celebration of Beginnings
Have you ever stopped to think about the power of beginnings in your life? As I look back on my life, there have been many beginnings… the beginning of life as an adult and then as a teacher, the beginning of life as a wife and then as a mother, the beginning of life as a single parent, the beginning of life as an individual standing strong in her own worth and light… and I realize that the list is endless. Within each beginning that stands as a major turning point in my life, there are a multitude of other beginnings. Each beginning holds within it moments defined by tiny beginnings that build to create real change and learning in our lives. Each tiny beginning is the first time we make a step that is unfamiliar to us, that takes courage, and that, in many cases, somehow rises from a tiny seed of strength […]
Do You Feel Like You Don’t Belong?
Do you feel like you are on the outside looking in? Does it seem like everyone else finds their place within the ebb and flow of life, but you just can’t seem to find yours? Do you yearn to find a place where it feels that you fit, but it seems that belonging is a state for everyone else but you? After years of feeling this way, I have come to two realizations which I share with you in the hope that either one or both can be of some assistance and reassurance to you. We feel like we don’t belong when we search for validation of our worth from others and we don’t get it. We want to feel like we are “somebody,” and we look to others to make us feel valued. We try so hard to feel acceptance and recognition of our worth from others. We try to […]
Where Do You Find Your Worth?
Are you searching for that special someone who will complete you? Do you look out at the world and believe that a partner will make you feel a sense of belonging? Do you think that being in a relationship will make you feel worthy? Your worth is not in a relationship. Your worth is in YOU. You are intrinsically worthy because you are a child of God. Are you striving for a certain position or the promotion that will validate your worth? Do you imagine the day when you will have a title that will proclaim your worth to the world? Or, are you frustrated and unhappy in the work that you do because you believe your worth is not recognized? Your worth is not in the work you do nor the positions you hold. Your worth is in YOU. You are intrinsically worthy because, at your essence, you are a Divine expression of God. Do […]
We Are Not Our Bodies
When we look at one another as bodies, we create separation. It seems fairly obvious, doesn’t it? I look different from you, and you look different from the next person. We all look different. Therefore, we must be different, right? Wrong. This is where humanity stalls and sets up walls that create division between people. Seeing one another as different is a choice that we make. I didn’t realize that I had a choice for a good part of my life. I had been conditioned to see myself as an individual in a world of billions of other individuals. I learned at an early age that it would take hard work, effort, and perseverance to achieve success in this world. Achieving success would mean attaining what I wanted through competition. I had to work harder and be better than the others who wanted the positions that I sought. Reaching my goals would mean that […]