Tag: self worth

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Shedding the Need to be a Caregiver and a Fixer

Have you spent your life putting everyone else’s needs before your own? Have you struggled with the idea of putting yourself first? Have you believed that if you love and give of yourself enough, you can heal or fix someone else? Then you and I have shared a similar journey — to learn to overcome the need to “give of ourselves to others” and to learn to look after ourselves. When I look back, I can attribute some of my need to give, “do for”, fix, heal, and “make better” to the generation in which I was born. I am part of the cohort that transitioned from growing up with traditional female role models to forging our own way as independent women. Our mothers and grandmothers devoted their lives to their families. They modelled selfless giving and self-sacrifice as they cared for their families and put their needs first. I realize that part of my […]

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Do You Feel Like You Don’t Belong?

Do you feel like you are on the outside looking in? Does it seem like everyone else finds their place within the ebb and flow of life, but you just can’t seem to find yours? Do you yearn to find a place where it feels that you fit, but it seems that belonging is a state for everyone else but you? After years of feeling this way, I have come to two realizations which I share with you in the hope that either one or both can be of some assistance and reassurance to you. We feel like we don’t belong when we search for validation of our worth from others and we don’t get it. We want to feel like we are “somebody,” and we look to others to make us feel valued. We try so hard to feel acceptance and recognition of our worth from others. We try to […]

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We Experience What We Project

When we feel insecure, we project our insecurities onto the people we interact with. Then we perceive what we expect, which is validation of our insecurities. When we feel unloved or unworthy, that is what we project out into the world. We yearn to be validated and built up, but guess what we experience? We experience rejection, and we feel put-down  and unappreciated. We experience what we expect. I grappled with the statement, “We create our own reality,” for a long time. There was so much heartbreak and emotional pain in my life. Who, in their right mind, would create that experience? The problem was that I wasn’t aware of what I was projecting out into the world. As I struggled with lack of self-worth, I created proof of that through my experiences. I perceived judgment and rejection from others. I perceived that I was less than others. I perceived what wasn’t actually there. […]

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Roadblocks Help Us Find Our Way

How do you view the roadblocks that have appeared in your life? At times, has it seemed that your life journey seems to meet one obstacle after another? There were certainly times in my life when it seemed that no matter which way I turned, I ran into another roadblock. When I look back, I see my roadblocks through a different lens of understanding than I did when I was mired in the muck of frustration and blinded by emotional reactions that ranged from anger and rejection to hurt and despair. Along my road to self-discovery, I have learned that all I need is within me. Prior to realizing this, I spent most of the years of my life seeking love, worth, fulfillment, and happiness outside of me through travelling, partying, relationships, my work, involvement in organizations and groups, and striving to achieve and be the best I could possibly […]

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What Do We Really Want?

It seems to me that as the most evolved species on this planet, we should know what we are doing. Observation of our actions should validate our self-proclaimed top position on the evolutionary ladder. When I think of highly evolved, qualities that come to mind include intelligence, compassion, perceptiveness, wisdom, integrity, love — a species motivated by altruism. I imagine a species that cares for its people and the planet on which it lives; a species that survives and flourishes within a system based on respect, harmony, and caring for one another and the environment. Pause for a moment and consider the observations someone from a more global vantage point might make: a species that destroys the planet on which it lives; a species that attacks and destroys its own; a species that ignores the wisdom of its more learned advisers and continues on its perpetual search for money, power, prestige, […]

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Should You Stay or Should You Grow?

Do you find yourself in a situation in which you are torn about what to do? You vacillate. One minute you think you know that you have to move forward. The next, you are drawn back to what is known. You aren’t happy or fulfilled in where you are or what you are doing.  You are filled with a sense of yearning for something that has no clear definition but beckons in your awareness. You know where you are. There is a sense of comfort in what is known, but you know it is not all that you desire. You can’t give it words, but something beckons from within… a sense of more that you are meant to do. You are faced with a decision: should you stay or should you grow? Always, always choose growth. I want to share with you my experience of trying to “stuff” that yearning […]

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Stand Strong in Your Own Worth

Have you been like me and looked to find your worth reflected back from others? Have you sought approval in the words and actions of others? Have you tried to be what you thought others wanted, believing that your worth was found in what others think of you? It’s a tough place to be, isn’t it, because what you sense from others really has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them and what is going on in their lives, how they are feeling, what they are preoccupied with, and a host of other variables, none of which has anything to do with you. Trying to feel good about yourself based on how others respond to you is like trying to keep your footing in shifting sand. If you want to see your worth reflected back at you, look in the mirror and own who you […]

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Relationships Provide Our Greatest Teachers: Part One – Romantic Relationships

When you think of teachers, do you think of teachers you had in school? Does your mind return to days of lessons and assignments, and of the person at the front of the room who was responsible for setting the homework and due dates you dreaded? I want to expand your understanding of “teacher,” this from someone who wears a “teacher hat” every day in the classroom. My greatest teachers weren’t my classroom teachers; instead they appeared to teach me priceless lessons in this learning experience called life. My most profound lessons came wrapped in pain and loss, but under the wrapping was true growth that expanded who I am, and for that, I am eternally grateful. As broken as I felt after my ex-husband turned on me and my marriage imploded, I realize that his actions and choices caused me to grow beyond anything I had the capacity to […]

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Discovering the Love of My Life

Please love me…           I need you… Don’t you see that I love you?           Maybe if I love you more… Maybe I’m not enough…           No, I just have to love you more. Do you think of one special person when you think of the love of your life? Do you imagine what life would be like if only you could find the love of your life? Do you dream of the life you would share, the incredible love you would experience? Do you think that you would be complete if you could just find that special love? You can have that dream because you have the love of your life with you right now… the love of your life is YOU. If you just thought, “Yeah, right,” you are not alone in thinking that. A few […]

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